New Year’s Leave

Happy New Year… soon!  I love New Year’s Eve.  Everyone gets a chance to get in on it because it’s nondenominational.  I in fact dislike people who don’t get into it.  Here’s something I’ve always wondered:  You know how you always have that one person at a New Year’s Eve party who keeps insisting the occasion is no big deal?  Well, then why is he at the party?

It doesn’t matter where in the world you are – if you’re in the first time zone, you get to say you’re first.  If you’re last, people are envious because you’re the last ones partying.  As Chris Farley once said, “everybody parks, everybody wins.”  For us partiers, New Year’s Eve is the one night where tomorrow doesn’t happen till next year.

And it’s fairly universal to do a “Ten… One” countdown in the waning moments of the outgoing year and and exclaim, “Happy New Year!” in the incoming one.  So, every year, we all start Happy and end as One.  There’s something universal about that.  And that’s the feeling on which I believe we should all focus.

I kind of wish it were also “non-demon-ational… a way for us to let our demons out with immunity.  Let me explain.  I’m always looking for a loophole somewhere for my New Year’s Resolutions.  I keep thinking there should be a free day in there somewhere between Dec 31 and Jan 1 that allows you to just do whatever it is you said you weren’t going to do or not do whatever it is you said you were going to do but that wouldn’t fall in either calendar year so you’re perfect in 2011 AND 2012.  Kind of like how you go on vacation and think, “Well, I won’t have more than 5 drinks… in the United States.”  So that the streak is perfect.  After much searching, I finally found said loophole.  I’ve been trying to eat healthier and save the environment in 2011 and so what I’m going to do is buy a bunch of junk food on Dec 31, 2011, so when I finally eat it in 2012, it’s not because I want to, but rather because I can’t let it all go to waste.  I mean, there are starving kids in India.

(That’s what we were always told so that we’d finish our vegetables.  I usually got out of eating them because I’d argue back, “Well, how will eating food HERE help them THERE?  Besides, if I eat it, isn’t there just less food in the world for anyone to eat?”  I think my parents just let me get up from the table because they were sick of me.)

Actually, at the beginning of the year, I made not a Bucket List but a F*ck It List – things I was throwing the towel in on.

And if you don’t get your resolutions going right away in 2012, this is the one good thing if the Chinese really do take over the world.  Their New Year isn’t till January 23.  I think I’m going to use that as my out.  It’s the Year of The Dragon again… and that’s my birth year.

Of course, the Indian New Year was technically during Diwali, so you’re already behind if you’re going by that.  Indians have become quite Westernized in our celebrations.  Some say too much.  I say just enough – we love to celebrate.  So, we can ring in the New Year twice.  We give gifts on Diwali and Christmas.  Heck, because of immigration recording reasons, my Mom even has two birthdays.  In that case, though, it works to her supreme disadvantage:  On October 2, we tell her, “We’ll take you out on October 29.”  When October 29 rolls around, we hit her with, “We got you on October 2, didn’t we?”

Well, didn’t the Mayans say it’s all over in 2012, anyway?  If this is indeed the last New Year’s Eve, let’s go out with a bang.  This will be the first one for which I won’t be in the States.  Normally, I have the option of doing a standup show on NYE.  And I love doing them – comedy can certainly bring everyone together, too.  But thanks to my upcoming 7-city Make Chai Not War tour in India, I’ll be in Bombay on Dec 31.  Out of the country… New Year’s Eve… and maybe the last year ever?  Yeah, I’ll have more than 5 drinks.

Not just one.

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