If you think of something and later learn that somebody else already did it, is it still original?
Tough question. And so it is with the “F*ck It List. It occurred to me that it’d be funny to make something like this but simultaneously figured others may have already done it. Google proved me right – and disappointed, just like every time I watch the Bengals.
Nevertheless, I just laid out my 2011 Goals based on my 2010 Accomplishments, and also figured it’d be good to share the things I’m not going to do this year. Most of the Goals & Accomplishments are professional and most of these are personal but I hope you enjoy them still:
- Learn a new vocabulary word everyday. I have 2,000 flash cards – and have had them since high school. All that SAT prep from so long ago. I’ve also subscribed and summarily unsubscribed from a number of online services. I already write good. F*ck it.
- Consume more content. I’m not a consumer. I’m a producer. I don’t receive. I broadcast. Since I started standup, I haven’t had any major influences. I write my stuff in a vacuum. My best stuff just occurs to me at my desk or, better yet, onstage. I don’t need to see what others are doing. I’m not going to give myself any more grief for not reading my friends’ blogs (but please read mine) on Google Reader or for not watching The Daily Show on the reg. I have my sources for new stuff… Rakesh Satyal for music and funny videos; Raman Sehgal for music and technology; and Bobby Uhlenbrock for technology. F*ck it.
- Hit the gym. Every New Year’s Resolution I’ve made for about the past 5 years has been to declare this the Year of Fiscal and Physical Responsibility. Yeah, right. I haven’t been to a fitness center in 3 years and I still look fine. It’s 80% nutrition, anyway. I watch what I eat. Minus the 8 sugar packets in my tea. I played full-court basketball for 2 hours in August and was neither out of breath nor sore afterward. And my annual physical showed all vital signs fine – Thank God. I’ve done yoga/meditation the first few days already – I’ll continue w/ that. Besides, girls like me because I’m funny – not because of my amazing bod. If I spend any money on my appearance, it’ll be for that receding hair line. As far as bench presses go… F*ck it.
- Balance my checkbook. See the last bullet point. I know my formula: If I’ve got $25 K liquid and no revolving debt, I’m happy. F*ck it.
- Eat more bananas. I hate bananas. I’ve tried to eat them for years. If I need more Potassium, I’ll just pound more of the best substance on Earth… Coke. Oh, I live in LA. Better clarify. Coca-Cola. I have a rule that I never pass up fruit if it’s offered to me… I’ll stick to what I like… citrus and berries. I hate melons and pretty much any kind of large fruit. Bananas suck. F*ck it.
- Mail birthday cards to my friends. I tried. Really, I did. And they were touched when I did it. But how many did I get in return. That’s right. It’s back to FB Wall Posts. Besides, we’re too old. F*ck it.
- Keep the house clean. We got a maid. Life’s too short. Outsource your non-core competencies. I heard that somewhere. Oh, that’s right. I wrote that. Like every good idea. Oh, except the F*ck It List. F*ck it.
- Worry about the future. It’s bigger than I am. Hmmm… a rare dose of humility. F*ck it.
- Be more humble. Heh. I’m legit. F*ck it.
- Be less OCD. I don’t always need to end everything in a round number. Done. Oops. F*ck it.
Happy 2011. = )